Monday, 3 May 2010

Don't leave in silence with no words at all

Final 7 - Results
Tx: 2nd May 2010

So Graham welcomes us back and informs us the phone lines are "now" closed, as they have been for nearly 24 hours, and introduces us to the Dorothys, who perform that bastardised train-wreck of Don't Rain On My Parade again. Lauren really hams up the cringeworthy moment where they sing 'Mr Lloyd Webber'.

Last night the girls sang big band numbers, or at least numbers with a big band; tonight there'll be mash-ups, Legally Blonde and a mission in a haunted forest, including a flying monkey. Or a stuffed toy that looks like it's been hanged.

Anyway, some backstage action while the performances are recapped. Steph was living the dream; Jenny had fun; Sophie's family assured us that she'd come back from her horrid comments, presumably while she was crying in a corner somewhere; Danielle felt incredible; Lauren failed to look over her shoulder and convey heartbreak adequately, but none the less she and her family were pleased with the comments; Stephanie was upset that John didn't like her performance, but hey ho, her dad did; Jessica is passionate about the song 'Cabaret'. Sheila thought the girls were knockout, John thought some are getting lost, Charlotte can't work out who'll be in the bottom two.

Back in the studio, Andrew says they are "such talented kids". Sheila says the girls are reaching West End standard with their talent, but she is unsure whether they are in terms of work. John says three girls are consistently strong. Charlotte says there are no weak links.

Graham introduces the "mash-up" but admit that it's "more of a medley, really". FINALLY. The girls sing songs about parties. Stephanie's face is really unattractive when she sings. Jenny does the Claire-from-Steps patented nose-scrunch. John is bopping his head and looking more orange and gay than he did last night.

Toto time. Do I really have to recap this shit? Suffice to say, the owners love their dogs. They all go to see Amy Lennox, Margot in Legally Blonde, to perform the bit in the middle of Omigod You Guys where Bruiser runs on to tell her that Elle is trapped in the Old Valley Mall. To be fair, the chihuahaus who are actually in the show sometimes fuck this up. Missy is good; Eddie runs all over the place; Spider skids around the stage and nearly falls into the pit; Troy just wants to eat the treats; Dangerous Dave is very cute but doesn't "speak". Anyway, Missy gets the day's rosette as "top dog".

Back on the Dorothy bleachers, Danielle is glad that people might not think she is solemn. Sophie is always worried that she might be in the bottom two. Lauren doesn't know how she will top the comments from this week, because she is HUMBLE. Jessica thinks this has been the best week so far. Stephanie doesn't know what went wrong this week and doesn't feel ready to go. Jenny and Steph do not get to speak.

Time for the mission, minus Jessica who was too busy being ill. The girls have to walk ALONE through the haunted forest. Stephanie doesn't think it's good that there's a full moon. The girls' mums are in tents around the forest watching their progress (BABY D! In a tent!). At some point during the walk the girls have to choose between home, ie their mums, and the emerald tent of Oz. Danielle is first, and talks herself into bravery with "Come on, you're 18 now!" Steph gets whacked in the face by branches and then giggles. Lauren chants, "There's no place like home!" All the girls scream when faced with the "flying" "monkey" except Danielle, who plods on stoically regardless. I'm not sure she even saw him. [Either that or she was injecting the same level of emotion into this mission as she has into all of her songs so far. - Steve] Then they must choose - home or Oz? They all agree that Dorothy wants to get home, but should they be opting for Oz? Baby D concurs that this is a horrible choice. Stephanie thinks it's a trick. Jenny decides she is going to go home, and then blubs when she sees her mum. Stephanie is still prevaricating and eventually decides to go to Oz, which her mum thinks is the right choice, but she wanted a hug. Aw. Anyway, Stephanie, Danielle and Sophie go to Oz, which apparently makes them winners in a game where they never knew the rules. Brilliant. [Bonus points to Steph for totally overthinking it and picking "Home" because "Dorothy wants to go home", God love her - Steve]

Time for another musical number - the girls and their dancers in 'The Happening', and after all that fuss John made about heels, they're now performing in bare feet. John says Danielle is really special, and Charlotte and Sheila both agree. Andrew says he is getting a feel as to how the competition should go, and then starts wittering about training dogs, dancing and accents, all of which Dorothy will need to do. Well, yes. Perhaps your casting competition ought to take account of that, then?

The girls are asked who they think would struggle with performing in the West End. [It's not quite "Who Is The Bitch That You Hate?", but it'll do for now. - Steve] Danielle says Jenny because she can't dance; Jenny says Stephanie because she never shuts up; Stephanie says Jenny because she has no experience in "long-running shows"; Lauren says Stephanie because she is just too young and has already shown in the house that she is still a kid; Steph says Jessica because she lost her voice this week; Jessica says Jenny because she struggles with dancing; and Sophie says Stephanie because she's just an immature baby. I'm paraphrasing here, obviously, but the sentiments are the same.

Based on this week's performances, who isn't Dorothy? Stephanie according to Sheila and John, and Charlotte says Sophie, even though she too IS WELSH. Here are the results - Steph is in the bottom two; Danielle goes through, as do Jessica and Lauren, then Jenny. Stephanie is already sobbing, and when Graham tells her that it is she in the bottom two, not Sophie, she loses it. If it were down to votes alone, Stephanie would be going. She's muttering to herself and this is demonstrating that her fellow Dorothys were right when they said she would struggle with handling pressure.

The song this week is 'Tell Me On A Sunday'. [Which is either the worst song ever written, or just not the right song to ask two emotional girls to perform in a sing-off, because both on this show and on I'd Do Anything it's been the most godawful noise. - Steve] Steph does some excellent diction. Stephanie composes herself and sings well. Sophie and Danielle are looking moist-eyed and mouthing the words along with them. The stupid audience start to applaud when the girls belt.

The verdict, and Stephanie is clutching on to Steph for support. Lloyd Webber says, "I can't imagine what you were going through then. I'm afraid I shared it." What? Stephanie is seriously in pieces now. And then he saves Steph, who's open-mouthed and then cries too. Stephanie is trying to act the part of a non-crying grown-up but failing, and does an embarrassing farewell speech. Lloyd Webber says he's had fantastic reports of her from everywhere she's worked, which does nothing to stem the tears. Graham looks quite upset too.

The girls say their goodbyes over the sound of Stephanie snivelling. Steph takes her shoes and then they hug for so long I worry they might not get over to Lloyd Webber in time. Stephanie begins her solo through her tears, which works quite well as an acting choice, but is excruciating when you know that this is a teenage girl whose misery is being screened on national television. Her "where - you'll - find - me", as her voice breaks and she starts to sob again, almost moves me to weeping too. And the thing that finally tips me over the edge is Steph urging her to pull herself together and mouthing "DO IT!" to her before the final line - which she does, I really don't know how - and then punching the air with glee.

Well, that was incredibly sad. And next week there'll be a double-elimination! Join us then!


  1. I loved this re-cap even though I saw the show. The sarcasm was divine.

  2. Double-elimination? You mean we could have not bothered with Wild-Card Emilie at all? Huh.

  3. I was slightly confused in the legally blonde bit - I saw Amy Lennox as Margot (embarassingly 10 times better than Sheridan) in LB, but it appeared to be Serena that we saw acting with the dogs. Does she play both?

    So sad to lose Stephanie - I loved the fact she wore her heart on her sleeve and thought she did incredibly well on the singoff. What is with Jessica's ungracious faces?? She did one as one of the girls came over to the Benches of Sanctity this week, and one behind either Dani or Emilie (I forget which) as she walked round her in the finale the other week. If the girl can't keep her face set to 'composed' for one evening I fear for her acting skills. Maybe she's pissed at hair and make-up for making her look about 40 this week.

  4. Double elimination's going to be interesting - how will they fit 2 girls on the moon?

  5. Amy Lennox was playing Margot in the scene - Serena is the cheerleader, played by Susan McFadden.

  6. Ahhh I've been getting those two the wrong way round for ages then!

  7. Random question but is your I'd Do Anything blog that you refer to in some of the OTR posts still available online? If so what is the URL?

  8. I swear I voted for Stephanie this week yet got the "your vote for Sophie has been registered" message. If I were a paranoid man I'd call it rigged against the poor Stephanie.

  9. Carey - yes, it's at - we do usually link to it when we refer to it!