Monday, 19 April 2010

Three weeks only

Top 9 results show
Tx: 18th April 2010

Wild applause! Graham welcomes us, and informs us that the lines are closed and the votes are in. Obviously. Time for a reprise of 'Ease On Down The Road', which is still from a DIFFERENT BLOODY SHOW and has some appalling skirt-swishing choreography and some increasingly noticeable sidegobbery. [Dear Andrew Lloyd Webber: I assume you are actually going to write some new songs for this show as you've suggested. Since you seem to have run out of existing songs for the Dorothys to perform, perhaps you'd better get a move on? - Steve]

"Last" "night" the Dorothys sang and danced and hoped to avoid the sing-off, and Graham introduces our lovely judges and increasingly deranged impresario. He promises us a mash-up and dogs and high-heeled shoes. Worn by John, much to Lauren's delight.

Time for a recap with backstage bitchery - Dani sang 'One Night Only' and was better than Pirate Jessie; Sophie had a breakthrough performance and jumped up and down; Lauren had a bunch of boys to 'Sway' with, and she was delighted and overwhelmed with humility; Emilie was Emilie and then sobbed about losing her confidence, while her mum declared ignorance of why everyone was being so mean; Stephanie didn't construct a coherent sentence; Steph was beautiful but didn't get to talk to the camera; Jenny's mum was disappointed with John's comments; Jessica gave it her best shot; Danielle sang and Lloyd Webber looked bored, and she says she wants to avoid the bottom two. O rly? Oh, and then they did that really weird performance of 'America'; Charlotte thinks some of them are great; Sheila doesn't want anyone to leave; John clearly does.

Back in the studio, Lloyd Webber isn't confident about anything because the talent among the Dorothys is so huge, and everyone is unsure about the result; Sheila thinks that this week revealed how much stamina the girls have to deliver performances; John thinks there are at least four contenders for the ruby slippers; Charlotte couldn't cope with the pressure the Dorothys are under because she can only dance after a few drinks. Everyone laughs.

Oh, a "mash-up". Which is in fact a fucking MEDLEY. And more to the point it is a MEDLEY of songs about lunacy. Srsly. It starts with 'Losing My Mind' from Follies, and then there's a bit of really inappropriate stripping choreography as they move into Beyonce's 'Crazy In Love', and then Gnarls Barkley's 'Crazy'. Also, there is a lamp-post on the stage. I'm not really sure why. Maybe Steve knows? [Don't look at me, I'm just the recapper. - Steve]

It's Toto time! Last week, our trio of judges got a final 50 together, and Gerry hopes to find the Wayne Rooney of the dog world. This week, we see Jake the terrier, who could be Toto, and his owner loves him as much as he loves himself. Some dogs are clever; some are not concentrating; some sing. Or howl. And some dance, which seems to please Jodie, who immediately joins in. We meet Strider, a great Dane, who was on DEATH ROW because nobody wanted him. He could be Toto. Thomas Cook was born with a hare-lip and cleft palate, and now he works with children with physical disabilities. Jodiebursts into tears as she tells the owner he is not going to be Toto. An obnoxious ginger child says that the panel will regret not making her dog Toto. Hmm. Don't think so, girlie. It's ONE PERFORMANCE. We meet Bumble, an assistance dog, who does an incredible job at helping her owner, who's in a wheelchair. And then the panel have to whittle them all down to ten. They are unsure whether Lloyd Webber will know what's hit him - Jodie suspects he may be scared by a couple of them. Good!

Graham talks to the Dorothys. Emilie respects Lloyd Webber's opinion and says she intends to go to drama school regardless of how well she does in the competition. Yeah, if you get in. Dani is glad she entered the competition and is learning so much and has much more to give. Lauren hopes she's done enough not to sing off, and thinks it's a buzz to get nice comments from the judges.

VT time! John takes it upon himself to help the girls with their performances, beginning with being able to walk in high heels. And so he demonstrates. With his own pair of bright yellow shoes. He brags that he is better than them at walking in heels and they must learn to be as good as him. Steph thinks it's hilarious; Lauren reckons he's a natural. The girls dance and scurry across the floor in their heels. Jessica notes that she runs like an elephant. And then time for a task - the girls each have to walk down the stairs, and then when they get to the bottom they have to dance an unchoreographed routine with John. Emilie reckons it's simple. And then Lloyd Webber and Arlene Phillips turn up, for no reason. [I was kind of hoping Arlene would be unceremoniously sacked mid-VT and replaced with Alesha Dixon, just for the lulz. - Steve] Montage of the girls dancing with John. John says that Steph is an excellent partner but wishes she had looked at him; Jessica was great, and she thinks she might take up ballroom dancing; Sophie committed to it; Lauren lusts after John's arms; Dani is a bit stiff and didn't read where John wanted her to go; Jenny cackles about John picking her up; Emilie was cocky so John just threw her around the floor to teach her a lesson. John was most impressed by Stephanie ("a mini-Ginger Rogers") and Danielle, who adopted a character and acted the routine.

And another group performance - 'Buenos Aires' from Evita, which sounds like it is in a higher key than it is in the show's score, but the girls still can't get the low notes. Danielle makes a good Eva; Emilie has teeth like Madonna. The boy dancers' braces keep falling down, which rather defeats the object. Andrew is sad that he will never see those girls perform together again, and wonders if they are casting the wrong show because there are a few great Evitas in there. Graham reminds us that one of them has to go, but wonders who they would all miss the most. Danielle would miss Dani; Emilie would miss Stephanie; Dani would miss Steph; Jenny has FUCKING AWFUL SKIN, wow, that's some good stage make-up; Steph would miss Sophie; Jessica would miss Dani; Lauren would miss Jenny; Stephanie would miss Emilie [well, I suppose someone would have to - Steve]; Sophie would miss Steph.

Before the results, the panel decide who is not Dorothy - Sheila says Jessica, John says Emilie, and Charlotte says Jenny. Time for some teenage girls' dreams to be shattered - Emilie is safe and hugs Stephanie; Dani is in the bottom two; Stephanie is safe; Jenny is safe; Steph is safe and Baby D is very happy; Lauren is safe; Jessica is safe. So it's between Danielle and Sophie for that last automatic spot...and it's Sophie who gets it.

The room-mates Dani (who had the fewest votes, which frankly sucks, and at this point she looks like a rabbit in the headlights) and Danielle must sing 'Maybe This Time' from Cabaret. Lloyd Webber tells them to be themselves, they are both terrific, and go for it. Dani is on the verge of tears, which oddly works well for the song, and she manages to do a really good job. On the Dorothy bleachers, Stephanie looks like she's about to faint. As the key changes, Dani yodels her way through a sob, and the rest of the girls stand up to cheer her on. That poor little girl. Danielle holds it together and has a beautiful clarity and purity of voice when she gets chance to show it off properly in a decent song.

Lloyd Webber's verdict - he knows they are special to each other, but the competition is unpredictable, and he is saving Danielle, who kisses Dani firmly before leaving the stage. Everyone whoops poor little Dani. Lloyd Webber says she is a fantastic singer but in a couple of years' time she will be more at ease in herself and has a great future. Dani pulls herself together, though a few tears are leaking out, and thanks everyone while wishing the rest of the girls luck.

Time for the sing-out, and Danielle clings to her friend's hand as she walks past. She doesn't seem to be singing, actually. And then again to Dani's immense credit, she puts on an outstanding 'Over The Rainbow'. Seriously. It's amazing, with a narrative arc and an accent and a lovely tone. In fact, it made me cry a bit. Particularly bearing in mind she's 16 and just had her dreams crushed on national television. Though at least it wasn't live. So Dani sails off on a sparkly moon, while Emilie remains to assault our eardrums for another week. Join us next weekend to see if her luck really can last another week!


  1. Emilie's Mum is *actually* Mumzilla. Debate on the Over The Rainbow fanpage on Facebook where constructive criticism was being offered was taken as being offensive and cruel, and was reported to Facebook by Mumzilla, Sister and *ahaha* Singing Teacher of Emilie. So it doesn't surprise me that she was on TV wondering why they were all being so cruel about her wonderful daughter.

    It's also no surprise that I threw a fair few objects at the TV when Mumzilla appeared.

  2. Ahh Mumzilla, going to miss her a bit on the boards now dear Emilie is gone ;)Who will shout at me for having an opinion now?

    Loved the write up about Totos, considering its ONE PERFORMANCE anyone else think the best outcome would be a hilairiously bad Toto who peed all over the stage and bit Dorothy? Would make me laugh.

    Completely agree about Dani, she sang beautifully and made me cry too, still think she should be there. Ah well.